Dumb ex Machina

 MSNBC’s Ari Melber has this spiffy little graphic that shows different aspects of the plot to overturn the 2020 election, with arrows in black and red to indicate over time when many of these activities went from being legal, such as court challenges, for example, to illegal, such as overturning the votes in Congress. It is a useful graphic, though it does not measure what I think might be yet another useful quantity: Stupidity.

The rap-lyric quoting anchor was again tonight referencing his graphic on-air, and one of the plot points jumped out at me like David Lee Roth: “Military Seize Voting Machines.”

It has never struck me until that moment how incredibly stupid that one is. I mean, what were they going to do with them? Did they think they’d find some hot-shot Linux coder to bust into them and change the votes? Then what? Then the “military” would return the machines to their original spots so their “corrected” votes would be counted? Then they pull the mask off of the guy and it turns out the Black Knight is actually the museum curator?

Well, yes, actually. It’s something like that.

A severely under-reported news story (surprise, surprise) from last month was charges against a Michigan attorney, Matthew DePerno, failed candidate for attorney general despite (?) a Trump endorsement, and and former GOP state Rep. Daire Rendon. Charges were in connection with accessing and tampering with voting machines in Michigan.

Via ABC News: “Investigators there say five vote tabulators were illegally taken from three counties and brought to a hotel room, according to documents released last year by Nessel’s office. The tabulators were then broken into and ‘tests’ were performed on the equipment.”

So yes. It’s actually that stupid.

I say Ari Melber needs to add another set of arrows to his graphic.

I'm So Fucking Tired Of Donald Trump

I'm so fucking tired of Donald Trump. I'm tired of seeing him on my TV all the time. I'm tired of him, living rent free in our brains. I'm tired of seeing his ugly, conceited, swelled-up orange face everywhere. I'm tired of hearing the audio of him shaking down Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger for 11,780 votes. I'm tired of seeing new tell-all books coming out about Donald Trump from authors who should have told what they knew back when it would have made a difference. I'm tired of a Republican Party that could, any day they wanted to, excise themselves of this cancer just by having 20 to 50 of their members start getting in front of a camera and telling the truth. I'm tired of it. I'm sick to death of it. Just tell me when he's been arrested. Otherwise, Joy Reid, otherwise, Chris Hayes, otherwise, Nicolle Wallace, talk to the hand. I'm done with your speculation and your Claire McCaskill and former part-of-the-problem Michael Steele and your giving Donald Trump more oxygen than he deserves. Done with it. Call me when he's in jail. Otherwise, fuck all ya'll. Seriously. Knock it off. I remember in 2015, when I was working one of the shittiest jobs I've ever worked, but at least I got 45 minutes for lunch, so I would get in my car and drive it to a remote part of the parking lot and eat a sandwich and listen to Chris Matthews on MSNBC on Sirius/XM. And he would cover Trump rallies gavel to gavel, and this was held over from the previous hour. They didn't cover shit about what President Obama was doing, nor did they cover the other candidates like that. Nope. Just Trump. Trump Trump Trump Trump. And now, they're doing it again. Well, shove it up your ass, MSNBC. And let's get back to a point I glossed over earlier: The "Republican Party" could excise this zit off of its bum any time they want to. Any time. It would take maybe a dozen of them to just get in front of the camera and talk some sense. Like, Joe Biden won the election and is the real preznit. Like, maybe an outgoing preznit shouldn't lead an insurrection. Maybe that's bad. Like, maybe theories about my political opponents lusting for the blood of children is something we should discourage. Maybe. Just maybe. Even just a scintilla of truth from a dozen of these assholes could send Donald Trump into the trash heap of obsolescence that he deserves. But they won't do it because they are chicken-shit pussies. Or, they're not and they're just Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is a golem made of corn chips. Regardless. I often find myself thinking, with as much hope as I can muster, with as much hope I sometimes have that a banana split will magically appear before me with a spoon, I find myself thinking, well, he has to die sometime. He's 77, he's fat, and he's stupid enough to flush himself down a toilet. He has. To die. Sometime. But I think it's too late. Trump is the center of Trumpism, but he's not the spring from which it flows. Trump would die and become a weird martyr rumored to have special superpowers like Jesus. Did you know Trump can turn a single quarter pounder into hundreds of double cheeseburgers just by farting through his bellybutton? Did you know that Trump could declassify classified documents just by thinking about it? Did you know that Trump was secretly The Buraq and while Muhammed rode his steely back to Mecca, Trump told him lots of funny jokes about Mexicans? This country is fucked, people. Get out and vote for Biden/Harris in 2024. Meanwhile, put on an Errol Garner album and chill. Let Joy Reid talk to herself for a bit.

think of the animals

Coronation Day

Solar Totem #1

"I have let it be known to different people that I do not want that hole ever welded closed, and nobody has ever asked me to." (Artist Don Drumm)

Heart Of Steel: Artist Don Drumm reflects on his sculpture's role in May 4, lifelong impact as 50th Commemoration appears on horizon (kent.edu)

Age, Schmage

Wow, is Nikki Haley a ghoul.

I mean, it’s par for the course since she’s a Republican running for Preznit. But she’s basically like, so Biden has announced he’s running. Dude’s gonna die anyway. Seriously.

“He announced that he’s running again in 2024, and I think that we can all be very clear and say with a matter of fact that if you vote for Joe Biden you really are counting on a President Harris, because the idea that he would make it until 86 years old is not something that I think is likely,” is something she felt quite comfortable telling Fox “News.”

What a ghoulish, awful thing to say about our nation’s chief executive. Sadly, while Haley said it in the worst way possible, it is not an uncommon sentiment.  

President Joe Biden has barely thrown his hat into the ring, and the clamoring over his age has already begun. Biden is 80 now, would be 82 when he’s sworn in, and would be 86 at the end of his term. Polls are showing that even Democrats are feeling lackluster for Biden’s run for a second term, many citing his age as a reason.

If only there was some sort of public report people could read offered by the President’s physician that summarized the current state of his health.

Oh wait. There is.

Kevin C. O’Connor, D.O., FAAFP, and no, I do not know what all of those letters mean, released in February 2023 a document detailing Biden’s health to the American public. Previously, O’Connor had released this report in 2021.

The report first discusses Biden’s bout of COVID, noting that he was fully vaccinated and experienced mild symptoms with no signs of long COVID. Biden is up-to-date on his boosters.

The report discusses Biden’s heart health, cholesterol, a condition called gastroeesophageal reflux, which is why Biden often needs to clear his throat, seasonal allergies, conditions that contribute to Biden’s more labored gait, mild peripheral neuropathy in his feet, dermatology evaluation, eye health, dental health, medications, no tobacco, no booze, and he continues to work out five days a week.

Here’s the link, you can go read the thing yourself.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Health-Summary-2.16.pdf

My point in going over all of this is: Where is Trump’s?

There isn’t one. Because twice-impeached once-indicted disgraced former President Carnage has never produced a serious health disclosure.

Let’s remember the now-late Dr. Harold Bornstein, a gastroenterologist, who later admitted that Preznit Carnage himself had dictated the 2015 absurd statement, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Really?

Let’s remember Carnage-man’s subsequent appearance on Dr. Oz on television, which Vox described as “surreal” and “disturbing.”

Let’s remember in 2020, when Dr. Sean Conley did somersaults to avoid discussing former Preznit Carnage’s health. This followed TFG’s helicopter voyage to Walter Reed and his bizarre return to the White House where he defiantly removed his mask for the cameras and went inside, presumably to recklessly infect more of his staff and loved ones.

Conley would not even confirm for the press when former Preznit Carnage’s last negative COVID test was.

As previously noted, President Biden’s disclosure thoroughly discusses Biden’s bout with COVID and reassures that he is not suffering from residual effects. Is TFG suffering from brain fog? Respiratory problems? Depression or anxiety? Fatigue? We, the voters, don’t know, and it is not likely that any serious attempt will be made to brief the public.

Don’t assess Biden based on the image he projects when he appears on television. Assess him on his record. Under his leadership, this full-stopped country got moving again. People got vaccinated. They got help. The economy got help. Jobs numbers improved dramatically. We ended a decades-long war. Actual infrastructure investment. The first black female Justice of the United States. Support for a besieged sovereign nation overseas. Investment for the climate. And, I would be remiss if I did not mention, first woman Vice President, first Vice President of color.

Regarding his fitness for the office, there’s facts. You can look them up.

Machaela Cavanaugh Is A Boss

Senator Machaela Cavanaugh, Democratic state senator of Nebraska, is a BOSS. A Democratic Nebraska lawmaker vowed to filibuster every bill so the GOP-led legislature couldn't ban abortion and limit transgender health care: 'I want to annoy you' (Business Insider) You can write to her if you like and tell her that you, too, think she is a boss. machaelacavanaugh at gmail.com

Masterpiece

Alley-Oop!

Cause. Effect.

Wonton

So. This happened.

Preaching from a Bible verse, Lauren Boebert got stumped by the meaning of “wanton killing” and pronounced “wanton” like wonton, the Chinese dumpling:

“I don’t know what a [wonton] killing is. I’m going to have to look that one up, but it sounds interesting.” #WontonKilling pic.twitter.com/xwXxSIMbjO

— PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 (@patriottakes) September 13, 2022

This person is a member of the House of Representatives.

Nobody Expects the Gaspacho Police

Just to clear things up, @RepMTG

Gazpacho: a vegetable-based Spanish cold soup
Gestapo: Nazi Germany's secret police pic.twitter.com/T9q76r706G

— The Republican Accountability Project (@AccountableGOP) February 9, 2022

Year One

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I’m Sure He Was Just Joking

"African American voters are voting in just as high a percentage as Americans."

Yes. He actually said this.

A reminder that Kyrsten Sinema has always been kind of an a-hole.

Kyrsten Sinema’s combustible thumb (The Washington Post)

Cleanup in aisle...

As if I adored this man enough already.

'What a moron': Dr. Anthony Fauci on Senator Roger Marshall after heated exchange (Reuters)

A New Path for Pence

I am not often in the business of advising Republican politicians. However, I really hate to see Columbus North High School's most prestigious fella pass up such a smart opportunity.

Former Vice-President Mike Pence has let a few impressions leak that seem to me to be trial balloons regarding his recent invitation to testify before the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol. Via the New York Times:

In recent weeks, Mr. Pence is said by people familiar with his thinking to have grown increasingly disillusioned with the idea of voluntary cooperation. He has told aides that the committee has taken a sharp partisan turn by openly considering the potential for criminal referrals to the Justice Department about Mr. Trump and others. Such referrals, in Mr. Pence's view, appear designed to hurt Republican chances of winning control of Congress in November.

The problem is that Pence, who presumably has designs on the presidency himself, is in a rather difficult spot. He seems concerned that capitulation to the Select Committee would lose him sway among the mighty Trump base. But didn't he already lose that precious anointing when he refused to throw out the generally accepted election result on 1/6/2021? Or when he's seen on video being quickly evacuated from the legislative floor?

This why I suspect we are reading such speculation in the great NYT. He needs to test his standing with the MAGATs. With the Qanons. With the true believers. With those who await the necromancing of JFK Jr., the ones who think Wayfair furniture is built out of human remains. Pence is sticking a wet phalange into the wind. And I don't think the results are gonna be all that great for him.

That's got be to quite a kick in the gut for a guy who spent four years staring into the back of Preznit Carnage's head with a look on his face like when Itchy the Wookie is watching Diahann Carroll sing "This Minute Now" in the Star Wars Holiday Special. This is Mr. "I Am Deeply Humbled to Be Your Vice President," after all. His repayment? HANG MIKE PENCE. HANG MIKE PENCE HANG MIKE PENCE.

So why is he even pondering this when there's a much better, albeit more risky, way forward?

Hey. Mike. Get to marching in Liz Cheney's parade.

Do I think Liz Cheney is doing what she's doing because she wants what's best for the country and she believes the Big Lie is a Big Lie and that the Insurrection of January 6 was ungood? I guess. But on the other hand, I think Liz Cheney sees a BIG FAT LONGSHOT PATH TO BECOME LA PREZNIT OF DEEZ UNTIED STATES OF AMERICA.

After all, what happens when or if the unexplainable shine wears off of der cheeterhosen? Criminal charges. Lawsuits. Sexual assault charges. Civil suits leaving him hemorrhaging money. His recent vaccine endorsements are already throwing off his most loyal unwashed. Who's going to be there if and when the Republican Party tosses Former Preznit Disgraceful Carnage out on his ass in his fat golf khakis? Liz Cheney is so far the only one betting the long game that it's going to be she. (Okay, yes, Adam Kinzinger, blah blah blah. Dude is really kind of an afterthought on all this, methinks.)

Cheney has begun to forge a path that might could behoove the former Vice-Preznit to embark upon. It could start with his straightforward, unredacted public testimony to the Select Committee, followed by public calls to his own party to purge itself of this enormous, treacherous lie, to respect the fair and correct result of the 2020 election, and to get back to the business of working for true conservative values.

Mr. Former Vice President, heed my call: You sir, are in need of a reinvention. And I would argue that the Congresswoman from Wyoming is showing you the way. Show up. Testify. Cooperate. Throw your former boss, who I remind you tried to have you assassinated, way deep and far under the bus. It will be good for the country. It will make you seem to be presidential.

Heck. It might even make you presidential.

Insurrection

In the early summer of 1989 in Washington, D.C., my Dad and I took a Metro downtown (or maybe we drove) and went to the Capitol to see the mighty legislator Claude Pepper lie in state. As I recall, it was kind of on a whim. He at the time was running his own newsletter so his schedule was flexible; I was a kid, so my schedule was flexible. We woke up, he said hey, let’s go see Claude, and we went.

My Dad up and moved to D.C. a few years before this. By this time, he had purchased a hovel of a house over the river in Virginia that he would soon raze and replace. So I had been hanging out in D.C. for several years by that time. I was commuting like a pro by age 15, taking the Metro to wherever I liked, and where I liked was often to the National Mall. My favorite spot was the Lincoln Memorial, where you could stand at the man’s feet and see so much of our Nation’s Capital’s great landmarks all in a line. I’d sometimes walk the whole way from Lincoln, down to the Vietnam, along the Mall passing all of the great museums, past the Washington, and then wonder at the majesty of our U.S. Capitol building.

I would later spend a semester in D.C. via a program sponsored by my school, interning and visiting various interest groups and lobby shops. I would work a summer there as a busboy just off of Georgetown Much later, I would finally succumb and move there, landing a job on a magazine published by a trade association, and ending up as their Web guy until the job was too much for me. I lasted there 13 years. And, when the weather was nice, a lunchtime walk around the White House was a usual event. (This blog, in fact, was born there, a nice way at the time to get this introvert to go out and meet people.)

Washington, D.C. is in my backbone. And though I haven’t even been there in more than a decade, it is one of the places in the world that I call home. It is decades of memories. And many of those memories involve that big beautiful bicameral building.

So I was properly horrified watching the events of January 6, 2021. I was not just horrified for my country, or for my government, or for the insurrection’s victims. It was as if my own house was being mauled. It was as if someone had crapped all over my temple. I think of the fellow who sat with a big grin on his face with a foot up on Speaker Pelosi’s desk. I think of those morons rifling through legislators’ notes looking for “dirt,” as if they had half the brain-power required to even comprehend what was on those papers. I think of that douche in the horn-hat crowing from the lectern, those who climbed the walls, those who came prepped with plastic cuffs, and my blood boils.

Due to this, yes, I wanted to hear more from Attorney General Merrick Garland today. I have liked to imagine that his demeanor through his speech would be closer to how I feel about this event, that he’d get a vein-bulge on his forehead, that his eyes might bug out some, that he’d clench his fists and declare that heads will roll. But Garland doesn’t seem to be the veiny-forehead type. C’est la vie.

But I want to see heads roll for this. 365 days now and I have yet to witness this cathartic experience. I want heads to roll. I want tales told. I want names. I want to know who paid for this. I want to know who advocated for it. I want these people to suffer as I suffered seeing my home, my temple, so horribly violated.

More than anything, I want that orange idiot to be shuffled off in chains for this. Not for tax evasion. Not for fraud. This. I fear largely that this country may punish him for his toilet business practices but may never assign him accountability for his septic tank presidency. The Republican Senate failed to do this job. It failed to do it twice. And while the Attorney General is taking massive pressure to do something regarding this, I think every conversation about that should note that had the Senate done its job in February 2021, Garland’s position would not be nearly as precarious as it is now. He would feel far less political pressure as he does now to do the right thing, to prosecute this doorknob to the fullest extent of the law. Don’t land this on Merrick Garland. Land it on Mitch McConnell. He drove the getaway car.

As an American. As a person who used to live there and considered it home to my heart. As a person who followed public policy since I was 4 years old. As a guy who took a field trip with his Dad to see Clace Pepper’s dead bald head. As a person who would genuflect entering the Capitol but would refuse to do so in any other building.

I detest what took place one year ago. I hate them all. I hate them all with a passion that spills bile from my eyes, from my mouth, from my penis. I hate them all. I hope they all find a place in a burny place after they die, I hope that burny place chops them into little pieces one crouton at a time. I want them to suffer. I want them to know that what they did wrong. They invaded my home. They violated me personally. And I want them to pay the price.

Let’s go.

Jan 6 Was An Inside Job

House Republicans meet with Trump to discuss overturning election results (Politico, Dec. 21, 2020)