Thursday, December 6, 2018
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Happy 86th Birthday, Little Richard!
Dear Little Richard:
Today, by my calculations, Little Richard, the Architect of Rock and Roll, the Georgia Peach, the Bronze Liberace, the innovator, the man who, among other things, explained to future performers how rock music is to be sung and how to strut while yer doin' it, that man, Little Richard, turns 86 years old today.
As anyone who bothers to read this blather knows, every year on Dec. 5, I take a bit of time during Zappadan to tip a hat to Little Richard. Because Little Richard begat "Directly From My Heart," which begat my favorite recorded performance of music of all time, which would be The Mothers of Invention cover on Weasels Ripped My Flesh, featuring Sugarcane Harris. I've said it all before. This track is untouchable. And while it takes some liberties with the original as belted out by the great Little Richard, the rhythm section still retains that brilliant dragged left foot that makes me so horny for this song.
And while I have realized a mad adoration for this artist, I wanted to remind you why you should too. I wrote this a few years ago. It is the best thing I have ever written. It is called
Little Richard Says He Likes It
a piece that essentially recognizes the great and, I think, often overlooked influence that this beautiful man had on the music you dig right this minute. Without him, Jim Morrison doesn't howl, Prince doesn't oooooh, and Robert Plant does not baby baby baby. In fact, I would like to mention at this time an interesting fact to add to the hefty pile of Little Richard impact studies available to us.
Ya'll know the song "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin, yeah? Well. Do you think John Bonham just pulled that drum part out of his butthole?
The answer is "no." Dude apparently had a Little Richard song in his head:
I've said it before. The ones who you revere, and maybe the ones they revere, revere Little Richard. All the Zeppelin dudes. All the Beatles, all of the Rolling Stones, and all of AC/DC. David Bowie. Elton John. Lou Reed. John Fogerty. Bob Dylan. Elvis Presley. Patti Smith. Michael Jackson. Bob Seger. Tina Turner. Jimi Hendrix. Bruno Mars. Andre3000. Chris Cornell. Freddie Mercury. All of these artists have somehow acknowledged Little Richard as a powerful influence.
As they should.
Not convinced? Here. Watch the great Muhammad Ali watching Little Richard. The man is in awe.
Little Richard is a national treasure, an innovator, and has inspired every rock artist you enjoy today. Look him up on Spotify today.
Health and peace and comfort to you on your birthday and well throughout, Little Richard. We appreciate you.
And also: Merry Zappadan.
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
1968
In 2018, We're Only In It For The Money and I both turned 50.
Now as I recall it, my introduction to Frank Zappa was the song "Who Are the Brain Police" from Freak Out, which my Dear Old Dad played for me when I was a mere toddler. And you wonder why I am the man I am today.
But my formative introduction to Zappa was most certainly Money, also via Dear Old Dad, of course. I was probably 14 when I started latching on to this record.
And the 50th anniversary of this release makes me realize what a busy, important year 1968 was for Zappa. Money is released. Lumpy Gravy is re-released. Cruising with Ruben and the Jets is released. They're touring. They're recording Uncle Meat. Not to mention, it's the last full year the original Mothers lineup will exist.
So, yep. This Zappadan, I am going to be focusing on the Frank Zappa and the Mothers in the year 1968.
Except for tomorrow, of course.
It's The Last Name: Frank Zappa the Father
Archived Comments
Consider the beauty of name like Ralph." (Left by Mark Allender)
You’re the 2nd person besides me to remember Zappadan on Day One. Remember when all of Blegsylvania celebrated? (Left by BLCKDGRD)
@BLCKDGRD You really must check out Alex and Alexa on YouTube. They are doing some really smart commentary on Zappa albums. But oh yes, it is rather barren out there. (Left by Aaron B. Pryor)
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Steelers-Bengals
Bengals: Oh, hey, Steelers, how are you?
Steelers: Not good.
Bengals: How come?
Steelers: Well, see, we were beating you guys the whole game pretty much and then you guys scored and now you're like totally gonna win the game.
Bengals: Oh, that's terrible!
Steelers: Indeed.
Bengals: Well, I wish there was something we could do to help you out with that.
Steelers: Well...
Bengals: What? Don't be shy. Just ask.
Steelers: Well, you could commit a flagrant foul in the last minute of the game.
Bengals: Hey! There's an idea! Say if we...hmmm...popped one of your guys in the head after the play ended?
Steelers: Yeah! That'd be good for at least 15 yards and a first down!
Bengals: Okay! We'll do it!
Steelers: Sigh.
Bengals: Now what?
Steelers: It's just that...that's a mighty long ways away for a field goals, still.
Bengals: Oh, right. I see what you mean...Okay. I have an idea.
Steelers: What?
Bengals: How about after we commit the flagrant foul, four or five of us will ARGUE WITH THE REFS ABOUT THE FLAG!
Steelers: Oh, wow! You'd do that for us? Could one of you really get in the ref's face? Maybe even a little bit of touching?
Bengals: Why not?
Steelers: Wow, that would really put us in range for a field goal! That would be great, thank you!
Bengals: No, Steelers. Thank you!
Friday, November 6, 2015
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Literally. Literally. Literally.
You heard him today. John McCain started this linguistic disaster, but I was hoping it met the pyre with his preznitial campaign. But no, there's Vice President Biden up there today:
They should know we will follow them to the gates of hell until they are brought to justice. Because hell is where they will reside. Hell is where they will reside.
John McCain used similar language in 2007, regarding Osama bin Laden.
"We will do whatever is necessary,” McCain said in a Republican primary debate. “We will track him down. We will catch him. We will bring him to justice and I’ll follow him to the gates of hell.”
McCain was criticized at the time for this statement. But not for the right reasons. Because what Joe Biden said about the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant did not actually mean what Joe Biden apparently thought it meant.
And this observation can be documented all the way back to The Bard.
Twelfth Night is a wonderful holiday comedy that involves cross-dressing and music. Among its first spoken lines, in fact, is the famous "if music be the food of love, play on."
I'm going to borrow here from Sparknotes so you don't have to live through my own attempt to interpret Shakespeare:
In the garden of Olivia’s house, Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria—along with Fabian, one of Olivia’s servants—prepare to play their practical joke on Malvolio. Maria has written a letter carefully designed to trick him into thinking that Olivia is in love with him. She has been spying on him and knows that he is now approaching. She drops the letter in the garden path, where Malvolio will see it. She exits, while the three men hide among the trees and shrubbery.
Malvolio approaches on the path, talking to himself. He speaks of Olivia: it seems that he already thinks it possible that she might be in love with him. He is deep in a fantasy of what it would be like to be Olivia’s husband and the master of her house. He would have power over all the other servants and even over Sir Toby. Sir Toby and the others can’t help jeering at Malvolio’s pride from their hiding place, but they do it softly so that he will not overhear them and realize that they are there.
Malvolio spots the letter lying in the garden path. He mistakes Maria’s handwriting for Olivia’s, as Maria has predicted, and Malvolio thinks that the letter is from Olivia. Apparently, Maria sealed the letter with Olivia’s sealing ring to make the letter look even more authentic. To Sir Toby’s pleasure, Malvolio decides to read it aloud.
The letter is addressed to “the unknown beloved” and contains what seems to be a riddle about love (II.v.92). It suggests that the writer is in love with somebody but must keep it a secret from the world, though she wants her beloved to know about it. The first part of the letter concludes by saying that the beloved’s identity is represented by the letters M.O.A.I. Malvolio, naturally, works over the message in his mind until he has made it mean that he is the beloved (he notes, for instance, that all four of the letters appear in his own name). Sir Toby and the rest laugh at him from behind the bush.
Once he has convinced himself that Olivia is in love with him, Malvolio reads the second half of the letter. The mysterious message implies that the writer wishes to raise Malvolio up from his position of servitude to one of power. But the letter also asks him to show the writer that he returns her love through certain signs. The letter orders him to wear yellow stockings, “go cross-gartered” (that is, to wear the straps of his stockings crossed around his knees), be sharp-tempered with Sir Toby, be rude to the servants, behave strangely, and smile all the time. Jubilantly, Malvolio vows to do all these things in order to show Olivia that he loves her in return.
After Malvolio leaves, Sir Toby remarks that he “could marry this wench [Maria] for this device. . . . And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest” (II.v.158–160). Maria then rejoins the men, and she, Sir Toby, and Fabian have a good laugh, anticipating what Malvolio is likely to do now. It turns out that Olivia actually hates the color yellow, can’t stand to see crossed garters, and doesn’t want anybody smiling around her right now, since she is still officially in mourning. In other words, Malvolio is destined to make a great fool of himself. They all head off together to watch the fun.
Maria asks if it worked; Sir Toby Belch indicates that it did. She fills the gang in about the yellow stockings and crossed garters and how much Olivia will hate them. This impresses Sir Toby Belch, who says: "To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!"
In English? "I'd follow you to the gates of Hell."
Sir Toby Belch is saying he respects these efforts to humiliate a common foe and that he considers Ms. Maria to be a worthy leader.
This is hardly the message our elected leaders should be broadcasting about ISIL.
But it's what it means.
And remember. The dude wielding the knife spoke English. English English.
Bet he had a great laugh over Biden's statement.
And yes. I admit it. I just like typing the name "Sir Toby Belch."
And see, look. They use the expression correctly in Outpost 3: Rise of the Spetsnaz.
This is a film that was released in 2013 and has yet to rate a Rotten Tomatoes score and has an audience approval number there of 35 percent.
And even the writers of this piece of shit can use the phrase "to the gates of Hell" in its proper context.
I wish I could find more examples of this etymology, though I think when you can reference Shakespeare to support your point, you're doing okay. But since Biden's speech is current events and all, it's rather dominating the search engines.
Just, for rat's sake, can we stop pooping all over the English language?
That's not what that means. In fact, it's the exact opposite of what you are meaning to say. GRRRRRRRR.
- Lita Ford: “Eddie Van Halen is The Les Paul of Today’s World” (Van Halen News Desk)
- America is slowly—but surely—becoming a nation of tea drinkers (The Washington Post)
- Mute the Messenger (Texas Observer)